dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
