Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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