so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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