I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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