i don't like sucking hair
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
