Your mouth is God's brothel.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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