my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize