i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
