so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
