Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
