As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i came on her dog
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
