youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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