shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
