Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
