The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
