don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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