Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
