they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
