She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
