good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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