The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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