So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize