she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
