do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm too high and old for this...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
