dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
