went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
