Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
