Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
