What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize