Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
