I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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