We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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