im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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