Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
