i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize