Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do vagina's smell?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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