We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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