Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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