You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
