...so i touched it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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