Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
