I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
