my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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