I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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