We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
