I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
