I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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