I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
