i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
