Don't you send me to vm
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
