Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
