If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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