I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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