Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
