lets start a swedish sibling band together
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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