Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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