Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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