Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
