I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
