So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is wine microwaveable?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
