what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Four minutes until I can fart!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize