I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
