We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
