she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize