Duck Duck Cougar?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
