did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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