She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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