Duck Duck Cougar?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
