This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
