Sry I called you an 8
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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