I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize