I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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