I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
