Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
