so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
