i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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