I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
