I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
