She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
