oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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