some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
