There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
