Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
