is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
