kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
