Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
...so i touched it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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