i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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