I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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