My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize