He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
