he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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