What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
