you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
