i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
