you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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