I think I am morally bankrupt
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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