never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
