I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
