You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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